This morning was a tough one for me. Waking up alone isn't all that great. The feeling of loneliness, desolation, and being forsaken washed over me. Although I know I am never alone or abandoned sometimes one can't help but feel. Thats how ive been feeling The past couple of nights and mornings. I know that things will be different and are slowly going to change but I can't help but fall asleep early while Blake is still here just so I don't have to fall asleep alone. Some mornings I just wish I could stay asleep till the middle of the day so that I will at least be awaken by birds and light rather than silence and darkness. Her bell is the only thing that keeps from crying.
You never know how much something or someone means until that something or someone is gone. Leaving home wasn't so difficult for me. I had Blake to ease the transition so that my heart wouldn't ache for my loved ones as much. All is well until my light leaves for the night.
Mornings such as today's make me think about what I've left behind. Though life now is as better than ever I still can't help but wonder if things will ever be the same. So much was givin up but so much was never forsaken.
I don't miss much; I just miss my family. Will there ever be those late night slurpee runs? The Wednesday night skiing? How about those state street drives with the long talks, laughter, and tears? One can only help but wonder. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. But does it? Or does it just make those once seemingly long talks on the phone turn to short text messages then to nothing? They said we'd be best friends forever.... I thought it was so but sometimes thoughts seem to play silly games with your heart.
I never thought it would be possible to miss family so much. I guess it is. I miss my parents, though I just saw them a couple weeks ago, days will never be able to replace months. I miss my Dads tight hugs, his warm hands and gentle "I love you, my Katanga girl" I miss being his baby girl. -Blossom smile some sunshine down my way, lately I've been lonesome. I miss my Moms advice it is always welcomed, I miss her humor, and love for everything in this world (Gods great creations) I miss her testimony. I miss my sisters and the relationship we once had. I keep thinking to myself "if I knew this was how it was going to be... Would I have left?" I don't know the answer just yet. I know my future is bright with Blake does that mean I have to take my light off the past? I miss the late night movie marathon, the pool playing, and the adventures we all took together. The only thing permanent about change is change itself. Did we have to change? I miss my nephews and the laughter they brought to my life. I wish I could watch them grow up. Be their "favorite" Aunt again.
It's amazing how fast life changes how much life takes and gives. This morning was a tough one for me. Waking up alone isn't all that great. The feeling of loneliness, desolation, and being forsaken washed over me. Although I know I am never alone or abandoned sometimes one can't help but feel.
I love you all and am so grateful for the opportunity to share my life with you and have you share yours with me. Thanks for all your love and support!
-Kathy
No comments:
Post a Comment